BST15a: And Tom Waits

"I'm leavin' my fam'ly
Leavin' all my friends
My body's at home
But my heart's in the wind
Where the clouds are like headlines
On a new front page sky
My tears are salt water
And the moon's full and high

And I know Martin Eden's
Gonna be proud of me
And many before me
Who've been called by the sea
To be up in the crow's nest
Singin' my say
Shiver me Timbers
'Cause I'm a-sailin' away

And the fog's liftin'
And the sand's shiftin'
I'm driftin' on out
Ol' Captain Ahab
He ain't got nothin' on me, now.
So swallow me, don't follow me
I'm trav'lin' alone
Blue water's my daughter
'n I'm gonna skip like a stone

So please call my missus
Gotta tell her not to cry
'Cause my goodbye is written
By the moon in the sky
Hey and nobody knows me
I can't fathom my stayin'
Shiver me timbers
'Cause I'm a-sailin' away

And the fog's liftin'
And the sand's shiftin'
I'm driftin' on out
Ol' Captain Ahab
He ain't got nothin' on me
So come and swallow me, follow me
I'm trav'lin' alone
Blue water's my daughter
'n I'm gonna skip like a stone

And I'm leavin' my family
Leavin' all my friends
My body's at home
But my heart's in the wind
Where the clouds are like headlines
Upon a new front page sky
And shiver me timbers
'Cause I'm a-sailin' away"
Tom Waits - Shiver Me Timbers (Heart of Saturday Night 1974)

Its a metaphorical thing you see. We all have moments in life where we leave. We don't want to, but we leave. And wether we physically leave, or emotionally leave for a time - we are still not where we want to be. I had both. I was physically away from my girlfriend and assorted family, and I was emotionally gone from everywhere.

I existed only in this room, with the one big window I could not see out of. I could hear the long coal trains rumbling by down below, I could hear the Pegasus LifeFlight taking off and landing. But I couldn't see any of it. The window was like a tv with light but no picture. It was dry and hot these days in the hospital, no storms to light the window up with lightning. And except for the constant stream of medical staff and my parents, the outside world had ceased to exist.

The docs were always asking me the date and such - and I told them, if I havent read the paper, I dont know the date. And no, USA Today does not count.

I had never been to Charlottesville, I had no idea the layout of the city, or what might be 6 floors below me. My whole world consisted of that room, a few hallways, the MRI lab, and the bathroom.

And every evening, the outside world faded as far as the light in the window told me. Faded and went to black.

As this day closed, I was about 24 hours away from surgery. Which then led to the longest 3 days of my life, or the shortest stay in NeuroICU anyone has seen in a long time.